10 Ways To Get Over Mommy Guilt When Working

10 Ways To Get Over Mommy Guilt When Working

A lot of working moms say they spend little time with their children. That has to do with their work. Some feel shame when they return to work after they have a baby. When mommies feel guilty about returning to work, it is “mommy guilt”. It is one of the reasons why some mothers decide to stay home while their children are young.

As a working mom who returned to work when her oldest was 2 and half, and her youngest 3 months, I have experienced mommy guilt and still do at this time. Either when I drop off my youngest who tends to cry each time, or when my oldest tells me he likes staying home with me. 

I also sometimes feel guilty when I forget things, such as packing their blankets on a Monday after washing them over the weekend, or their “Loveys”. 

Trying to get the kids ready in the morning, making sure youI don’t forget anything, and mostly making it on time at work after drop off is not an easy task.

Whether to stay home or work, the decision should be yours. If you decide to work though, here are a few tips that helped me. I hope they help you cope with the “mommy guilt”.

1. Stay away from people who make you feel guilty

The worst thing a working mother can do to herself is to be surrounded by people telling her she is wrong for working. We as women absorb a lot of information, and we tend to take people’s opinions personally sometimes. That is the last thing we need when we’re already dealing with mommy guilt. So, surround yourself with people who support and encourage you.

2. Consider having consistent and reasonable work hours

You may love to work, as some women feel a sense of independence when they do. However, you may not be ready for a full-time job yet. 

For me, working reasonable hours is important. Now it  might mean something totally different for you. It could be working a set 8 hours a day or working part-time. Whichever  makes the transition easier. Also, you’re able to spend more time with your child, compared to a mom who works long shifts for example.

Try and figure out what works for you and your family and decide which option works best.I have met a few women that were miserable when they worked full time but were so happy when they switched to part time hours. Obviously, this may only apply to you if money is not tight.

Overall, make sure you can handle the work hours you signed up for. Reasonable work hours make a big difference. 

3. Establish a routine with your child and try to stick to it

It is important to have a routine as a parent, whether you work or not. It makes things so much easier. The routine is even more important when you work, because you have so little time with your child.

I set a routine for my kids that consisted in this:

• pick up from daycare (hugs and lots of kisses, followed by I missed you so much)
• listen to our favorite songs on our way home
• take shoes and jackets off when we enter the house
• wash hands
• get some snacks (my kids are very picky, they barely eat at daycare, always starving when they get home)
• sit on the couch and talk about their day ( I always ask them if they had a good day, who they played with, who was their teacher for the day, as it often changes because of staff rotation)
• bath time for them (I like to get the germs off of them as soon as I can)
• prepare dinner as they play
• dinner time
• some reading, writing or simply bonding time
• brush teeth
• read a story
• lots of hugs and kisses
• bedtime.

This has been the routine with my kids ever since they were little. The best feeling is when I pick them up, they run to me with so much excitement. It tells me that I am doing good and I should not feel as guilty as I do.

4. Spend one on one quality time with your child

Another thing I suggest is to make time out of your weekend for quality time. It makes the bond stronger. 

For instance, when I am busy cooking during the weekend (I cook in bulk, to save time during the week), I try to keep them involved. I go over the ingredients with them and explain the steps. They help with tiny tasks like blending the veggies. That gets them excited most times. (If you love cooking, check out some of my recipes here) 

When doing my daughter’s hair, I ask my son to pass out her beads, so that he doesn’t feel left out during the whole process. Hair days can be lengthy, it often takes 2 to 3 hours from start to finish.

I also like to do one-on-one activities with them. It creates more personable bonding time. It might consist of  taking one of them in their room to do an activity/ talk for a few minutes. Or when I can, I take one of them grocery shopping with me.

5. Poster board of why you went back to work/goals

You may want to write down reasons why you went back to work, look back on them anytime you start feeling guilty. It is a great reminder, and keeps you focused.

6. Kids act differently around mom

They sometimes contribute to making us feel guilty, because one they tend to cry at drop off and second, they tell us they don’t like daycare/school. These things make us feel even more guilty. However, it is important to keep in mind that children act differently based on who is around them. They may cry at drop off, but as soon as mom leaves, they stop.

The thing I do with my daughter is, after I drop her off, I watch the cameras in the waiting room. Often, she calms down after a minute or so. Just remember, they love attention.

7. Do an extensive research on the daycare/nanny

It helps keep your mind at ease when you know your child is in good hands while you’re at work. You do not need the added stress when you are dealing with guilt. Take your time with this process. Visit daycares centers, ask all the important questions. If you prefer going the nanny route, conduct several interviews and ask for referrals.

 

 

8. Think about the benefits of daycare

Know your kids are learning social skills while they interact with other children their age. It builds up their imagination/communication skills. They learn how to be compassionate, share and problem solve. Which may be helpful if you’re thinking of growing your family for instance. In addition, it helps prepare them for school.

If you are a parent who worries a lot, research the advantages of daycare. They may help ease your mind a little bit.

9. Try to enjoy your time at work

Make sure you enjoy your time at work. After all, if you spend most of your day there, you might as well make the best out of it. I know sometimes we don’t necessarily enjoy our career but try to make the best out of it or remember your goals.

In addition, try not to feel guilty about missing a day at work.

Does mommy guilt kick in when you must call in at work or leave early because your child is sick? Do not feel guilty, it comes with being a mom. And your employer should be understanding. 

I feel guilt when my child has a runny nose and I must take him to daycare. But if I was to take off anytime he has a runny nose, I might as well stay home. Just remember that when you’re home it is because your child needs you. 

Among other things, you must keep them home if:

• they are sick,
• they have a fever,
• they are contagious

10. Send them to daycare with a comfort object a.k.a Lovey

Sometimes, a small object from home can bring comfort to your child. Knowing that, helps you feel less guilty at work. 

My oldest refused to take naps at daycare without his “Lovey”. He had a favorite blanket and my daughter had a favorite stuffed animal. 

 

 

Before I send them to daycare with their “Lovey”, I sleep with them for 2 or 3 days. It’s the best way to transfer mommy’s scent on them.

I’m linking their favorite lovey’s down below if you’re looking for ideas.

• My son’s blanket
• My son’s stuffed animal
• My daughter’s blanket
• My daughter’s stuffed animal

I hope these 10 tips were helpful to you. Let me know of any questions/tips in the comments.